the B word - again

once again i get this awesome feeling of betrayal.. yeah.. thx a lot!

i guess i finally know where i stand in priorities of your life.

just another wasted year... big disappointment...

thanks, for not understanding, or not bothering to try
thanks, for finally showing your true colors
thanks, for showing how much i'm valued in your life

thanks, for getting me a lecture from my dad
thanks, for remembering me
thanks, for all your time, no matter how little

finally,
thanks for making my miserable results seem like an early christmas

~i just wanna curl up and cry~

~ is this what it means to trust?~

~ u wreck my heart~

~ and yet, i can't blame you~

~ because i'm just unimportant~

~and it never matters how i feel~

~ now i finally know~

i feel isolated and alone.

of masks and betrayal. story of my life. great.

superficial people. fake people living in a fake world.

ps.thanks shaun, for your time and care. you are indeed, a good friend =)

i miss my com...

borrowed jun's laptop agn.. checked my mail.. had 136mail thx to all the notification by friendster and facebook.. and of course a few actual mails.. took almost an hour to clear my inbox thx to the slow connection. haihz.. and i have yet to clear my facebook... dad called to check. apparently another 2 or 3 days is needed before it'll be returned to me..

for some inexplainable reason, i find myself feeling terribly insecure. not so much in others but more in myself..

"so many times i was alone and couldn't sleep
you left me drowning in my tears of memory

and ever since you've gone and found it hard to breathe
cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see

a thousand ways to dreams
rolling of my eyes
the times been healing me
and i say goodbye..

cz i can breathe again, dream again
i'll be on the road again
like it used to be the other day
now feel free again, so innocent
cause someone makes me hold again

for sure
i'll find another you"

- cascada -

i don't know what i think sometimes, especially in the dead of the night when i should by all means be asleep. sometimes i feel like laughung. sometimes i just wanna cry. and sometimes, i just plain confused. i've tried to analyse my behaviour. as far as i know of, the cause of my unstability is unknown. okay, which of you jerks or bitches out there made me this way?! its not so much the rolling uncontrabble tidal wave of emotions that grip me at the most unfortunate times, but the apparent lack of causes of triggers. honestly, have i gone mental in captivity?? maybe i've finally collapsed under all that stress (what stress?!!) i've endured..

hmm.. results coming out soon. tmr in fact. i don't know what to think. i'm scared. terribly. wanted to call someone. but i didn't see the point seeing as they'll just be freaking me out by being freaked out. ah well.. the thing is, i am quite sure (after the initial dissappointment) that i can deal with it. i've really tried my best at that time. and i'm frankly, happy i haven't commited suicide (or thought of it) during the entire course. yay me! but can my dear straight-A's-always-top-in-class parents deal with it? i've always felt that i've been a slight dissappointment to them. i mean, recently, academically i've started failing and its not like i can actually do anything else. i absolutely abhor housework and prefer instead lazing around or out spending money. am i a failure? -i don't know what to think-

lalala~~

whatever that comes, i'll take it in stride*

(*does not include external variables)

PC / PD

stupid stupid virus!!!

make me have to send for repair. will take 'a few days' according to the guy.. i bet it takes at least a week.. damned if it takes 2 weeks -.- . well, i can't do anything about it. just hope it comes back to me soon..

WAAAAAA~~~

what am i gonna do at home now??!

no more facebook-ing, no more friendster-ing, no more blogging...

*omg* no more chatting!! die!!!

my hp bill sure increase d... and i'm broke =(

jun told me to meet him at cindy's hse on sunday

normally, i'd decline, seeing its that time of the year again..

but then you know what??!!

*gasp* that donkey threatened me!

(and i'm not gonna tell u with what)

that was the lowest, evil-est, meanest, underhanded thing to do!

and if he'd stoop that low to make me go...

i'm afraid to think what's in store for me..

me very scared =(

somebody save me!

oh, on the bright side, i've already gotten my bday pressie from sue ^^. i heart that girls loads!! i hope she's enjoying her time in Korea now... misses her lots... she got me this totally cute red mickey mouse pillow =D.. *awww* a really hadn't expected anything and i was really surprised when she gave it to me at the airport. haha.. everyone (kmeng, liying, edison, jeremy, kim, lisa, wing, sue, jon, steve) shouted 'happy 18th birthday' so loud that everyone, like seriously, EVERYONE was staring at me - even the old man who was checking in at the counter! gosh, i didn't know to feel happy or embarressed. haha.. ask anyone there, and they'll tell you how red my face was..

oh yeah, i promised i'd post some pics didn't i?

here's a summary of my PD trip:

woke up at 7am on wednesday morning. got ready by 8am. delayed cause my cousin refused to bath ==" till 9.30am. btw, my cousin's only 4 yrs old. so anyway, had breakfast at some restaurant near my aunt's house at kota damansara. i didn't eat much cz i was still sleepy. regretted it at about 11am while on the road. thankfully, i had my chocolate bar - Snickers! yay me! smart of me to bring le...

with my sis, in the car

arrived in town, just in time for lunch. drove around a little, and despite telling my dad there's alomst nothing there to eat in the afternoon, he didn't believe me. so yeah, basically drove around, starving everyone till he finally gave in and took my suggestion: KFC

lunch

so after lunch, checked in at the Avillion Port Dickson. kinda nice actually... except for the fact that they have a teeny weenie cage they call the 'Orchid Garden' which even my house garden surpasses, and an under equipped and freaking isolated gym. hotel restaurants are also a little er.. wierd. cz they have this restaurant called the crow's nest which required formal dressing, tie and all tht... seriously, who actually brings formal wear to the beach??!!

random shots of the hotel and grounds

my room (127) - shared with my brother and cousin

the deck in the evening

so yeah, swam a little (at the hotel pool.. no way i'm entering the sea!), get darker by the day, ate a lot - mostly seafood, basically slacked a lot... so 3 days passed, went home, slept.

THE END

hehe.. potong rite?

lol.. and thats my family vacation of the year...

so yeah, due to the factor mentioned above, i may not be online, facebook-ing, friendste-ing or blogging for a short (hopefully) period of time. my apologies. however, u'r always free to call.

if you have my number of course =p

okay, gotta return the laptop now. buy for now. will miss you sorely my dear internet (despite the lousy connection) *sobs*

yeah, so what if i'm melodramatic?

it adds spice to the world doesnt it?

you don't have to say it, but i know you love me anyway

*awww*

(ss-ing: do not disturb)

lol

i crack myself up sometimes...

i *heart* me

If you think your first date was embarrassing...

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside SaltLakeCity, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It wasquickly apparent that she had a brand new problem. Due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about"what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too,got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took theTonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down. "And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment..."This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off."

Oh, and how did the first date turn out?

He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

If you laughed... pass it on!

*thanks for the e-mail ven =D