Saturday, December 22, 2007

the B word - again

once again i get this awesome feeling of betrayal.. yeah.. thx a lot!

i guess i finally know where i stand in priorities of your life.
just another wasted year... big disappointment...

thanks, for not understanding, or not bothering to try
thanks, for finally showing your true colors
thanks, for showing how much i'm valued in your life

thanks, for getting me a lecture from my dad
thanks, for remembering me
thanks, for all your time, no matter how little

finally,
thanks for making my miserable results seem like an early christmas





~i just wanna curl up and cry~
~ is this what it means to trust?~
~ u wreck my heart~
~ and yet, i can't blame you~
~ because i'm just unimportant~
~and it never matters how i feel~
~ now i finally know~


i feel isolated and alone.





of masks and betrayal. story of my life. great.
superficial people. fake people living in a fake world.


ps.thanks shaun, for your time and care. you are indeed, a good friend =)



Tuesday, December 18, 2007

i miss my com...


borrowed jun's laptop agn.. checked my mail.. had 136mail thx to all the notification by friendster and facebook.. and of course a few actual mails.. took almost an hour to clear my inbox thx to the slow connection. haihz.. and i have yet to clear my facebook... dad called to check. apparently another 2 or 3 days is needed before it'll be returned to me..

for some inexplainable reason, i find myself feeling terribly insecure. not so much in others but more in myself..

"so many times i was alone and couldn't sleep
you left me drowning in my tears of memory

and ever since you've gone and found it hard to breathe
cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see

a thousand ways to dreams
rolling of my eyes
the times been healing me
and i say goodbye..

cz i can breathe again, dream again
i'll be on the road again
like it used to be the other day
now feel free again, so innocent
cause someone makes me hold again

for sure
i'll find another you"


- cascada -

i don't know what i think sometimes, especially in the dead of the night when i should by all means be asleep. sometimes i feel like laughung. sometimes i just wanna cry. and sometimes, i just plain confused. i've tried to analyse my behaviour. as far as i know of, the cause of my unstability is unknown. okay, which of you jerks or bitches out there made me this way?! its not so much the rolling uncontrabble tidal wave of emotions that grip me at the most unfortunate times, but the apparent lack of causes of triggers. honestly, have i gone mental in captivity?? maybe i've finally collapsed under all that stress (what stress?!!) i've endured..

hmm.. results coming out soon. tmr in fact. i don't know what to think. i'm scared. terribly. wanted to call someone. but i didn't see the point seeing as they'll just be freaking me out by being freaked out. ah well.. the thing is, i am quite sure (after the initial dissappointment) that i can deal with it. i've really tried my best at that time. and i'm frankly, happy i haven't commited suicide (or thought of it) during the entire course. yay me! but can my dear straight-A's-always-top-in-class parents deal with it? i've always felt that i've been a slight dissappointment to them. i mean, recently, academically i've started failing and its not like i can actually do anything else. i absolutely abhor housework and prefer instead lazing around or out spending money. am i a failure? -i don't know what to think-

lalala~~

whatever that comes, i'll take it in stride*

(*does not include external variables)

Friday, December 7, 2007

PC / PD

stupid stupid virus!!!

make me have to send for repair. will take 'a few days' according to the guy.. i bet it takes at least a week.. damned if it takes 2 weeks -.- . well, i can't do anything about it. just hope it comes back to me soon..

WAAAAAA~~~

what am i gonna do at home now??!
no more facebook-ing, no more friendster-ing, no more blogging...
*omg* no more chatting!! die!!!
my hp bill sure increase d... and i'm broke =(
jun told me to meet him at cindy's hse on sunday
normally, i'd decline, seeing its that time of the year again..
but then you know what??!!
*gasp* that donkey threatened me!
(and i'm not gonna tell u with what)
that was the lowest, evil-est, meanest, underhanded thing to do!
and if he'd stoop that low to make me go...
i'm afraid to think what's in store for me..
me very scared =(
somebody save me!
oh, on the bright side, i've already gotten my bday pressie from sue ^^. i heart that girls loads!! i hope she's enjoying her time in Korea now... misses her lots... she got me this totally cute red mickey mouse pillow =D.. *awww* a really hadn't expected anything and i was really surprised when she gave it to me at the airport. haha.. everyone (kmeng, liying, edison, jeremy, kim, lisa, wing, sue, jon, steve) shouted 'happy 18th birthday' so loud that everyone, like seriously, EVERYONE was staring at me - even the old man who was checking in at the counter! gosh, i didn't know to feel happy or embarressed. haha.. ask anyone there, and they'll tell you how red my face was..

oh yeah, i promised i'd post some pics didn't i?
here's a summary of my PD trip:

woke up at 7am on wednesday morning. got ready by 8am. delayed cause my cousin refused to bath ==" till 9.30am. btw, my cousin's only 4 yrs old. so anyway, had breakfast at some restaurant near my aunt's house at kota damansara. i didn't eat much cz i was still sleepy. regretted it at about 11am while on the road. thankfully, i had my chocolate bar - Snickers! yay me! smart of me to bring le...


with my sis, in the car


arrived in town, just in time for lunch. drove around a little, and despite telling my dad there's alomst nothing there to eat in the afternoon, he didn't believe me. so yeah, basically drove around, starving everyone till he finally gave in and took my suggestion: KFC


lunch

so after lunch, checked in at the Avillion Port Dickson. kinda nice actually... except for the fact that they have a teeny weenie cage they call the 'Orchid Garden' which even my house garden surpasses, and an under equipped and freaking isolated gym. hotel restaurants are also a little er.. wierd. cz they have this restaurant called the crow's nest which required formal dressing, tie and all tht... seriously, who actually brings formal wear to the beach??!!





random shots of the hotel and grounds

my room (127) - shared with my brother and cousin


the deck in the evening

so yeah, swam a little (at the hotel pool.. no way i'm entering the sea!), get darker by the day, ate a lot - mostly seafood, basically slacked a lot... so 3 days passed, went home, slept.

THE END


hehe.. potong rite?
lol.. and thats my family vacation of the year...


so yeah, due to the factor mentioned above, i may not be online, facebook-ing, friendste-ing or blogging for a short (hopefully) period of time. my apologies. however, u'r always free to call.
if you have my number of course =p
okay, gotta return the laptop now. buy for now. will miss you sorely my dear internet (despite the lousy connection) *sobs*




yeah, so what if i'm melodramatic?
it adds spice to the world doesnt it?
you don't have to say it, but i know you love me anyway
*awww*
(ss-ing: do not disturb)
lol
i crack myself up sometimes...
i *heart* me

Sunday, December 2, 2007

If you think your first date was embarrassing...


If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside SaltLakeCity, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It wasquickly apparent that she had a brand new problem. Due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about"what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too,got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took theTonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down. "And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment..."This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off."

Oh, and how did the first date turn out?
He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

If you laughed... pass it on!
*thanks for the e-mail ven =D

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

a lil' msg from me to me..

i'm lacking sleep again. and i have to get up at 7am tmr!!!
haihz.. i don't know how i'm ever gonna make it..
been a little hectic these past few days.
what with joyce's and adeline's birthdays.
and then people trying to book my time
honestly....... =="

missed the class trip (college) which started yesterday
they went malacca
sad
hope they had fun =)
will miss them
especially those who live far far away and will be going back soon
sad

went out with JN yesterday.
went for dinner at pj.
some seafood restaurant.
food not bad.
price quite reasonable.
might go there again.
except i don't know how :p
no worries, i'll ask him :)
but i'm broke.
so no expensive food in the near future.
daddy didn't give any allowance =(
me poor again.
haiz..

going PD tmr.
i'm gonna get darker
warning: may not be recognisable when back
just hope i get an even tan
hehe

random trip to genting tdy
stupid brian
he told me only going batu caves to eat
ended up in genting
dumb dumb
wanted to drag me into casino
but i good girl
never go in
cause still underage
but he hurt my arm =(
so i made him buy me ice-cream
i feel better now =D

reached home at about 7pm
just in time for dinner
they wanted to go eat pizza
but since i such a good girl
i came home
to spend time with my family
ended up with Korean dinner
now a little bored
sien...
dunno what to blog

sorry for posting such a wierd post. this is highly unlike me. but i just read the lame_queen's blog. this is just like her style. maybe stuck in my unconscious mind. then ter-copy her blogging style. hmm...

my darling lynn went to england today. will be back in 2 weeks. wish her safe journey. also a great time there. envy her. i wanna go to!!! lol. but obviously i can't. so, i'll just stay here. in m'sia. waiting for my souvenir - which WILL NOT be a box of chocolates, bought from the airport... *hint hint* (lynn, i know u read my blog.. *blek*)

okay. i feel funny again. and chien isn't here to make me laugh. so i'll just go indulge in a bar of chocolate. i think i'm growing fat - to the approval of my granma. damn! i need to start exercising. been slacking for a year now. better start again. just wished it wasn't so hard. i seriously lack discipline...

was talking to myself in the mirror again (adeline would know what i'm talking about). my mum heard. i bet she thinks i've lost my mind. again.

a note to jun:

stop laughing!! its your fault! its always your fault! but no one ever believes me.. ish..
and beware.. i'm gonna get my revenge... someday..
MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (evil laugh)
*blek*

Sunday, November 25, 2007

dumb@ss!!


i'm pissed
i'm irritated
i'm annoyed

and i'm NOT HAVING PMS!


had a call from an old 'friend' today. i was ready to bury the hatchet, willing to forgive. but was he satisfied?? oh nooooooooo..... he wanted more and guess what? he wanted to be 'more than friends' again. this is the conv, quoted verbatim:

@rseh0le: hey, free to chat? long time no talk d...
me: sure.. i guess... (i was a little shocked)
@rseh0le : great. i was kinda bored. broke up with celine earlier. she was getting boring.
me: erm... *speechless*
@rseh0le: hey, wanna be my gf again? i've always found you interesting..


broke up and asked me barely 3 hours later?? find me 'interesting'????!
does he really think that i'll be stupid enough to be his arm candy again??!
who does he think he is??!
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fyi. i have yet to forget the betrayal and hurt you put me through! and you think i can simply forget the insults??!! do you think you can once again use me and then discard me like some old rag doll??! oh puh-lease! for one thing, i've learnt my lesson and that is to never trust a lying, conniving ungrateful skunk like you!!

i have only one thing to say to you buster!
GET A F******* LIFE!!!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

my darling geisha

here's a post about one of the people i love most (as a friend! i'm straight k - dun get any ideas!)

there was this girl i met back in form 4. believe it or not, i was extremely shy then and honestly, i had difficulty mixing with my then new classmates. then along came this girl with a wide smile and a cheerful grin. i remembered that she knew at least half the class and often came to talk to the 2 girls in front of me. somehow, we started talking and i guess we became fast friends. she's one of the most optimistic person i ever knew, always looking on the bright side of things, rarely grumbling or complaining. supportive too i might add. i really don't know what i would've done if she wasn't there for me throughout the year. yeap.. she's my sweetheart...
one thing though, shopping with her is an absolute nightmare. i mean serious shopping of course - hanging out don't count. why? as i said before, she's extremely nice to the point where her opinion isn't to be trusted. honestly, everything is nice to her no matter what you try on... and somehow, at the end of the day, i will somehow find my cash severely depleted.. not a good thing.. lol
but she's a great buddy to hang out with. i can always count on her to listen and gossip with me.. and of course, she's a full fledged camwhore too =D we can take pictures ANYWHERE. haha..

fast forward 2 years later where everyone splits up to pursue their education at numerous colleges and schools. me, adeline and yean ling went to taylors whereas she continued in form 6. this choice may also be influenced by the fact that she was chosen to go for NS - as i was. but she actually went, whereas i simply deferred (hopefully they've forgotten about me). as hers was the second batch - march till june, it was impossible for her to enrol in the same course as ours. hence, form 6. from that time onwards, we rarely met, an only when we persuaded her AND her mum to allow her to hang out.

recently, i found out that she's moving to a far far faraway place (yeah.. i'm exaggerating.. but its far enough that it would be difficult for us to meet up) in less than 3 weeks time. no longer will she be a mere 15 mins away. i'm really gonna miss her loads. i'm sad. my darling geisha, we ARE gonna keep in touch right?

misses u lotz.. =(

*hugs*


Monday, November 19, 2007

stupid accounts


I'M SAD

not depressed, but not happy either.
so many things are happening all at once and i feel as if i'm on an accelerating conveyor belt, moving towards a climax where i either emerge the victor of my inner demons or plunge into despair.
hard to say which, as i feel as if i could go either way now.

telling people, trying to share isn't helping either.
i mean the advises were pretty much the same,
eg. "dun think so much", "don't worry", "just relax", etc...

AARRGGGHHHH!!!
how can i NOT think and worry???
i mean, its something that is done unconsciously right?
f.y.i, its not exactly my intention to to stress myself out and get pimples!
gosh.. even the internet is going against me! y is the line so slow???

nah, i'm not in the mood to share my problems here.
maybe another time - when i'm less frustrated - and when the line gets better.
i want to scream but i don't want my mum barging into my room, asking me if i'm ok.

I'M NOT OKAY!!!

but i don't know why and how to answer if anyone asks.
for all i know, she'll just consider them a trivialty, and thats worse. its bad enough not having the same interests, but to consider my problems trivial (and i might very well be..) is just to much for me to handle at this moment.

I NEED TO CHILL

yeah.. i know.. i keep telling myself that too..
but it's also possible that i'm chilling too much

I'M GONNA DIE

yup.. no surprise there either.. seeing its 3 hours of accounts i'm facing tomorrow
sorry susan ong. i tried my best, but i simply hate your subject..

and yeah.. when i die, make sure u all give me a nice eulogy k?
maybe some flowers would be nice too.. its up to you of course.
but do remember me in your memories...

yeah.. i'm wallowing in self-pity...
so what if i am?! it's my blog and i can do whatever i want! so there!
hmph!



p.s. stupid accounts.....

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Feeling, Thoughts, Emotions

Who am I – what makes me think – what do I feel – what do I think?
I am an individual with thoughts and feelings that extend beyond my family and friends.

There are thinks that can take my breath away – sunsets, storm clouds, flowers, a lover’s kiss.

Or make me cry – old photographs, goodbyes, touching movies and songs, an argument.

Or make me queasy – runny egg whites, slimy bugs, dead and stinky fish.

Or give me goose bumps – horror movies, feelings of deja-vu, the dentist with his rubber gloves, Moonlight Sonata.

Or make me feel good – ice-creams, chocolates, shopping, vacations, manicures.

Or make me laugh – comedies, friends (watching YC laugh or Jun trying to be funny).

Or make me crabby – long line-ups, rude people, slow internet connection, basically things not working out.

Or confuse me – computers, electronics, accounts, arithmetic.

Or captivate me – a good book, gossips, high heels, my room, my friends, and my camera, the pimple on my nose.

I’ve often been rather reclusive. Rarely sharing what I feel, and even then, only to a certain few. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I find it hard to fully trust someone. This is not meant to offend anybody, it’s just me. A lousy past has a way of making one wary. Perhaps a little too much. I’ve been trying to get over it though and I’d like to believe I’m succeeding, even if it’s at a snail’s pace. At least I’m advancing, and that’s all that matters right?

There are many things I regret – stupid arguments, words that should not have been said, time that was wasted, money that could have been saved.

Many flaws in me that I wished I could’ve changed – mood swings, sarcasm, low tolerance, high temper, spoilt mannerism, selfishness.

There are many things about me that many people don’t like. But what the heck, nobody’s perfect. And if you expect me to be, I would advise you to take a look at yourself first. Past experiences have shown me not to be a hypocrite. I’ve been gossiped, back-stabbed, betrayed, disappointed, heart-broken and depressed.

Watching others who are extroverts, watching them extend their influence. Yes, I do envy them for their social skills. I wished I could be as open, as funny, and as smart. But to be like that, is to forsake who I’m meant to be and who I can be. I have realized that I am an individual, unique in my own way, loved for being me. I love myself. My friends love me. My family loves me. And that is all that matters.

It’s amazing what I can think when I’m staring at the blank spaces on the paper in front of me, TRYING (obviously not suceeding) to study for an exam which is in 2 days time, failing miserably. Thinking about me (talk about self-opinioned!) when I am fully aware that the grades I’m going to get will determine the balance between life and death (by my dad).

Yeah, I do amaze myself sometimes too.

And no, I’m not emo-ing either.

And I’ve absolutely no idea why are you reading this. Or want to for that matter.

Monday, November 12, 2007

a different me

listening to the pattering of the rain
i find myself thinking about how much i've changed
from one who used to be super shy - still am
to be who i am today

sometimes nowadays i find myself unsure of who i am and what i have become.
no longer do i feel content to be just me.
no longer can i honestly say "i love me, myself and i".
and i don't know why...

sometimes, just sometimes,
i feel like i'm all alone
despite having friends all around me
no offence to you guys, of course..
i just feel alone - and not in a good way

earlier, while i was chatting with a friend
he told me he felt like shutting himself up in a closet
never to come out
despite ridiculing him
i felt like i knew what he meant
this isn't good

this isn't good at all...

i've never been one to share whenever i need help
never, until i break down
and then i'm a pitiful sight
and i apologize to those ppl who knew
for burdening you with my insignificant little troubles

but then again, if you weren't there for me,
who are you to call yourself a friend?

this is a crappy little post from a crappy little blogger
(who's supposed to be studying)

right.

i'm supposed to be bored with blogger. been concentrating more on my xanga account. but really, i'm addicted. and u can't blame me. cz honestly, don't you think you'd rather blog than study? studying stuff which i cannot remember. staring at the tiny words across the textbook, trying to make sense of graphs and tables. i'm annoyed and grumpy. bah!

by the way, happy birthday li jean :) sorry i couldn't make it for your party. mum wouldn't let. say need study :( haihz.. another totally wasted weekend...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

2 down, 3 more to go!

i met an old friend of mine today. actually he saw me first, since i actually walked past him without recognising ==" (well, you know how i am.. so you shouldn't be surprised anyway). okay, back to the topic, as i was saying, i met an old friend, jonathan lee (if anyone else knows him) an old playmate of mine. haha, i remember how we used to play when we were much younger. he's older than me by a year and lived next to my babysitter. so he came round to play a lot. i remember he used to make me play with his ultraman toys (i'll be the monster and he'll be zooming around me) in return for sweets. aaahhh.. the good ol'days. hehe. he used to love bugging me about being shorter than him and guess what? sadly, it hasn't changed. the male ego.. tsk tsk... lol. anyway our conversation went something like this:-

jon: OI PEI MIN!!!!!
me: *looks around*
jon: here la!! *arms waving*
me: oh.. do i know you?
jon: sweat..... its jon la.. jonathan..? really dun remember arh?
me: um.. *thinks hard* oooh!! yaya remember!!
jon:haha.. i can see that your memory as bad as ever. good thing i'm still taller than you!
*conversation continues with more mundane stuff eg. where are u studying, etc...

wtf la that fella! i was wearing 2 1/2 inch heels! and he's still taller than me by a head!! and he kept rubbing that in every chance he got!
*gggrrr...*
so yeah, but it was still great bumping into him la :)
makes me notice how much i've grown.
hehe. i'm a big big girl now :D
lol.. okay, now for updates on my exams. 2 down, 3 more to go :
  • ESL - not as good as i hoped. the guy was practically mumbling, especially during the second part. and essay was about online learning, i disagreed. lol, doubt i have the self-discipline needed and i doubt many people can sit in front of the com and ONLY STUDY!
  • Maths - don't even ask. in 5 words: stupid stupid dumb dumb paper!

aih.. its too late to do anything about it now. might as well concentrate on the other 3 remaining papers - economics, psychology and accounts.

another thing that's giving me a headache - my prom dress. ish.. despite the less-than-2-weeks dateline, i still haven't found a dress. surprised? thanks a lot to my uncooperative mum and my oh-youngsters-nowadays-are-so-spoilt aunt. oh yeah.. i LOVE my life.. NOT!

right. i'll stop blogging now. and resume studying

(after i've facebook-ed, friendster-ed, msn-ed a little)

it's 1.35am on a saturday morning

and i should be *ahem* studying

right =P

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

still-chiling-despite-incoming-doom-me


oh yeah.. you must be wondering why on earth is this girl blogging
when her exam is less than 30 hours away..
well, if you must know, its because :-

(a) she feels bloated (from too much pasta)
(b) a side effect (from over-high caffeine intake)

now, i know you are gonna go "tsk tsk.." *shakes head* right?

well, just give me a break because f.y.i : I DID STUDY!
ha! just shows that i CAN be independent and disciplined

p.s. just don't expect this attitude often =P

i just found out that my cousin's visiting this thursday a.k.a Deepavali day a.k.a Maths finals
AARRGGHH!!! this is so so so annoying.. its supposed to be a goddamned public holiday!
these SSABSA people really have serious issues =="

*sigh*
well, nothing can be done,
and i guess i will just have to forgo the supposed-to-be-awesome breakfast with them.
usually, i wouldn't even grumble much.. i mean, i'm not even usually awake for breakfast. hehe, mornings are totally lost on me. what can i say? nobody's perfect...

but the thing is, is that they (notice the word 'they', not 'me' or 'us') will be joined by angeline's family. i haven't met angeline in ages! and i so so so miss her.. she used to be my shopping buddy before she moved away.. and of course daniel too a.k.a her still-kinda-cute older brother. hehe.. i remember a time when i had a crush on him. was very very awkward ==". well, that was like oh, bout 3 years ago.. i wonder how much has he changed? hmm..

well, no use thinking about it - because i will NOT be there. instead i'll probably be in some small, depressing, and cold room sitting for a stupid paper. yup.. i totally love my life - not!

okay, just thinking about this is depressing..

i'm like constantly telling myself to go study but i don't think its working. because believe it or not, i can argue with myself. and actually lose ==" . how pathetic is that? aih.. guess my id is waaay stronger and more domineering than my superego. wtf!

on a final note.. i did save some money - which probably won't last any longer than thursday. thats because i plan to go on a full fledged shopping spree on thursday, after the paper to soothe my soon-to-be bruised mind. ah.. whatever..

okay, its late. and i'm going to sleep..

*oops* did i just say 'sleep'?
erm.. haha.. i meant study of course..

i really aim to do that =)

wish me luck in succeeding* :) :)
*i'm probably gonna need it - seriously

Thursday, November 1, 2007

immaterial world

its been 4 miserable morning since i got the new. and i honestly can't say i feel any better since then. well, at least the tears have stopped flowing.
thats something isn't it? at least i'm back in control and for that i'm grateful.
during those horrible moments where i didn't feel like myself, im glad to have those who were there. many comforting words were there. but i wan't you to know, that it wasn't really the words that mattered, but your support. you know who you are and i just wanna say thanks =)
so, on to happier and less depressing topics..


guess what???
i finally started studying.. HA!
lol.. i spent almost 3 hours of uninterupted study on psych
and im glad to say that i've finally mastered Topic 4 - Personality
*awww* im so proud of myself
*pat self on back*
i was so proud that i rewarded myself with a nice big chocolate ice-cream from baskin robbins. well.. actually, adrian rewarded me with a big chocolate ice-cream.. but i let him. so that counts right? hehe.
but thanks dear :)

well, im gonna try to nerd it tonight and finish Topic 5 too but i seriously doubt i'll succeed. the victory is still fresh in mind. haha. honestly, if i manage to finish till Topic 6 by tomorrow, im sooooo gonna reward myself this weekend. shopping anyone? hehe


last night was Halloween. not that i usually celebrate, but it was a fun night. went to lydia's party with adrian (he's supposingly my date) who abandoned me 5 minutes after we arrived. thanks a lot! wandered around a little, cause there were many people i din noe.. probably lydia's current friends but whatever.. anyway, there was this guy who approached me with a lame pick up line, trying to act cool. seriously pathetic =="


there was free flow of alcohol. but i didn't drink much. just a glass of wine. and i'm not lying! because unlike some people, i can control myself. right ken? =p

well, i took some pictures. unfortunately its with sara's cam, which meant that i will probably not get it till.. hmm... next year? and no, i won't beg you for it cz i know what you're gonna say: " too bad. who ask you never bring cam? my camera, my rules". am i correct in assuming so sara? lol. or did u just say that to annoy kev? haha

the internet connection is freaking slow!!!!!!!
arrgghH!!
i'm annoyed
maybe all i need is another ice-cream to cool me down
*hint hint* =P
well, its dinnertime
and i have a plate of spaghetti with my name on it
so ciao!



- i really should be studying instead of blogging shouldn't i?-
*sigh*
don't tell me,
i already know the answer

Monday, October 29, 2007

uncle sam, in memory

it is so easy to forget and take for granted what is always around. today, once again i have learned that we should always appreciate what we have, to cherish and treasure, as we never know when they will be lost, never to return, leaving only regret, grief and an aching emptiness. you never truly feel, how much something means to you, till its gone.


memories of when he used to hum, teach me rhymes, telling stories and stealing ice-cream for me keeps replaying over and over. memories i will cherish. i regret to say, that i haven't had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me. to say thank you.

he wasn't of family, yet he might as well have been.
uncle sam, this is for you:

u have always been there
to catch me when i fall
to make me laugh when i sulk
never once leaving me out
though i wasn't of family

for being my partner-in-crime
buying ice-cream, and small gifts
persuading aunt june,
that breaking the porcelain doll
wasn't my fault

taking me out
to the goddamn far park
keeping pace with my running feet
though u could barely walk smoothly
never once complaining

teaching me to play chess
with the patience of a saint
sometimes letting me win
when im down
just to cheer me up

being my babysitter
annoying as i was
though u didn't have to
allowing me to bug you
even while watching those chinese movies
that you enjoy so much

i regret
not taking the time
to talk more when im there
for sometimes throwing tantrums
i knew i was wrong
yet never thought to apologize
im truly sorry

i know you have suffered
not truly happy
after aunt june passed away
because unlike others of your time
you married out of love

yet you kept it locked inside
never once making us worry
only caring about others

uncle sam,

thank you for everything
without you, i wouldn't be who i am today

thank you
for saying you're proud of me
even though my results sux
thank you
for supporting what i want to do
thank you
just for being there
when i need you

no matter what. you'll always be family

rest in peace
god bless you

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

A Moment in Time



time passes ever so slowly
listening to the ticking of the clock
all i want is for this day to end
and reminiscing of the past
i've realised...
that
i can ever be so self-assured
filled with false confidence
simply to reassure myself
that i still have control of my life

that
i can no longer be protected
from the exclusion, heartache and despair
that is imposed
by people who have no life

that
love and friendship
can rarely co-exist together in a person
and just for that, i've learned
to appreciate those who could

finally i've realised
that
annoying siblings
does have its advantages occasionally
especially when they oh-so-accidently
drenched an unwelcome visitor
dressed in Ralph Lauren and Polo
with a whole can of coke

Oh the joy!




have you ever
felt alone, like a lone star on a moonless night?

have you ever
lost control, and was carried away by the tide?

have you ever
stopped dreaming, of what might have been?

have you ever
lost hope, in the one you love?

have you ever
got so bored, that you write junk like this?




i know i have :)

a little change


i felt a little something missing
like a piece of the jigsaw lost
and for some unknown reason, it feels totally wrong
something, somewhere, somehow
what it used to be has changed
find it difficult to explain the vibes i now feel

is it just me?

or has time changed us
till we no longer know
of who we used to be
a little time is all it takes
to change a lifetime of hopes and dreams

this is just me
losing control
in a raging storm
that wrestles for change
i feel lost
so lost..






thank you so much

for showing me what i've been missing

for letting me rage

for all the little things u did

for letting me know

for being there

thank you







i think i need sleep

Monday, October 8, 2007

Another Wedding...

went to ipoh for the wedding of erm.. another unknown-till-now uncle..
arrived at this quaint little town at 11am.
1st thought? cute...
no offense to ipoh ppl, but u guys only have 2 malls!
what do u guys do when ur bored??
on the other hand, u've got great food. so i guess there are some compensations.
apparently this month is an auspicious month. so EVERYBODY is getting married.
ish..

had to borrow a dress from ade..
(thx a lot girl! love you *hugs*)

cz i absolutely refuse to wear the same dresses i wore at the past 4 weddings this month!

camwhoring b4 leaving for the dinner

with my dear cousin (check out my eyebags - they're horrible - ugh!)

my gorgeous mum

met a lot of unknown relatives.. at least i THINK they're related..

anyways, got back like abt 11pm

but was damn tired, so fell asleep almost immediately

actually i'm not even sure why i'm posting this..

nothing much to say

'cept THANX ADELINE NG HAN HUI!!!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Post Trials Outing

trials was finally over!
unfortunately, econs was the last paper..
which meant that i hadn't studied as hard as i should have
i din have the mood - so sue me....
anyway, this should actually have been posted ages ago..
but due to some technical errors (mainly NOT getting the pics from mel..)
this post has been delayed.. and so has the others.
after the paper ended, we decided to go to the curve - redbox
when i said 'we' i meant more than half of L4. lol. this proves to be rather interesting.

anyways, almost all of us got a little lost on the way, tempers were a little high and everyone was feeling annoyed. well, emo-ed a little.then arrived there just to find out that we can only start k-ing at 3pm.. another 1 hour away.

so we split up. found out px had to go home earlier than planned. poor gal...

met yc at nishee fashion house (or something like dat). its truly a fashion trove! omg.. i was super tempted to spend my allowance.. thank goodness they don't have my size.. else there goes my pocket money...
so yeah. went karaoke-ing. found out that we had a few hardcore korean fans.. mainly emily who practically had the mic glued to her hand xD. lol. well, can't really blame her.. she's a great singer + its her 1st time. and oh yeah, kudos to michelle.. she's one heck of a singer!


for some reason, zhunkit reminds me of a monkey..




yc, emily (when she's not hogging the mic), me



wif meow meow


darling anna




we ppl

the whole gang (sorry picture small, copy from mel's blog)



camwhores united

this time i didn't drink as much.. mainly due to the fact thet the tien keat is there.. haha. we had a few drunk ppl this time - derek and joe. and they only drank a little ==".
a little trivia:-
when derek is drunk: he talks non-stop
when joe is drunk: EVERYBODY looks like pei xia... xD


derek in drunk mode


an apparently high mel and a still sober joe wif px

also found out that when L4 gets high, an outburst of gay-ism breaks out. e.g.

check out the tongue..




caught in action..

anyways, finished at about 6pm and decided to go look for food

dun ask


random camwhoring =)


walked around in circles for almost half an hour before we finally did the smart thing and break up into 3 groups: mel, zhunkit, yunling to TGIF; derek and anna to Sushi King; keat, emily and me to Little Penang.
can't quite remember wht we ordered. jz remembered something about keat's chicken running away from the cook.. lol

anyways, went home after dinner. felt damn potong.. cz even my parents are not home! ish..
but i went out agn la.. hehe.. Brian ajak go yam cha. somehow ended up at Jess's hse.. agn... lol. that place is like my second home already. did a little more drinking. got a litlle high. and made some lame jokes. anyway, finally got home at 2am. kena zha by my mum...
and thats it
-THE END-

once agn, sry for the delayed post.
its now time to sleep.
nitez ppl~

Thursday, September 27, 2007

a little early celebration...

had my psych paper yesterday. totally blanked out and i bugged michelle and yee chien non stop on CBT right till the last minute. haha..

anywayz, class was freezing cold. typically, adeline's phone alarm went off twice. michelle said she didn't have time to complete her essay *sigh* and i was thinking of the 20 minutes i spent stoning, drawing on the scribbling paper and generally looking around at the efforts of adeline and renee trying to get the teacher's attention... well, at least its over now and i'll only panic when shobes finishes marking (which won't be so soon)..



hung around in college for some time before we (i meant chelle, yc, px, joe and me) decided it was too wierd. then went to ac while waiting for chelle's dad to pick her up..

the rest of us originally planned to go "sVenson's" for ice-cream at Parade...

after walking on planks, dirt, sand and basically uneven ground which definitely ISN'T fun on heels, found out that swenson's isn't open.. (it was about 10 something). so went back in to parade where we walked around alot. i couldn't bring myself to go near Voir cause i know i'll be spending my money on shoes.. agn... *sigh*

lunch at Dave's Deli, where i felt soooooooooooooooooo wierd. no thx to my dear 2 insanely high friends, mainly yeechien and peixia.. who woudn't stop talking,
no, laughing about their obsession(s)
are you in anyway jealous joe? lol..
thank god i didn't get any nightmares last night!!
had mushroom soup, oxtail soup, garlic bread. and spaghetti for joe.



so later, walked around, checked out:-

'little black book' - no joe, it isn't a bookstore...

'skin food' - agn joe, it isn't a restaurant...

among others. had the urge to spend but resisted.
YAY ME!! xD

so bout 2++pm, left parade. had to walk in the rain to joe's car. felt sand in my heels. *sigh*

while on the way to dropping yc at ac, saw adeline, renee and jon walking toward salmon steak. as typical maniacs, we yelled. got some stares from surrounding passerby's... but what the heck la..

so dropped me home.. thx :)


at the exact moment i entered my room, got a call from adrian. ask me go Swensons...
lol, i felt damn zha dou. i just came back from parade.. (luckily nvr go with px, yc, and joe).

so another 20 mins and i'm off to parade yet again..


damn funny thing happened. ken was trying to feed me and his spoon of ice-cream fell into adrian's drink.. haha.. then i started laughing and couldn't stop... till i accidently hit adrian's elbow while he was tring to scoop out some ice-cream. um.. and the whole spoonful of icecream + drink fell into his lap.... rofl...

im so soo sooooo sorry adrian!!!

hahahahahaha...


so anyway after everyone cooled down, like 2 hours later, finally stopped annoying the other patrons there. bet the waitress was glad we were going.. lol...

supposed to go home, but weihan didn't want to go home. lol, somehow we ended up in pyramid.. and then redbox... honestly, of all places... =="





had a great time, spent more time going totally nuts than actually singing. jess and sam joined us. was there till bout 11pm.. then went drink sumore at some restaurant nearby.. forgot what's the name.. anyways, at 1am, finally went home, cz jess had a curfew which was supposed to be at 12 but somehow we forgot the time..







so before i'm accused of being ungrateful, just wanna say thx to chelle, yc, px and joe for the time in parade, and adr, weihan, ken, lisa, jess, sam, ming and ralf for the great time in the evening. without u guys, i'll probably be stoning at home, all alone..... xD





*would have posted some pictures if i had brought my camera.. cz my naturally cacat phone is just to useless! some pics were taken but its in either weihan, adr or sam's phone... which as usual probably means tht i wun get it till another 3-4 months? lol. typical la..

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

the current crisis...


friday(21st sept): maths
monday(24th sept): ESL

tuesday(25th sept): accounts at
wednesday(26th sept): psychology
friday(28th sept): economics

i have officially screwed maths and accounts
now all the best i can hope for is that i at least score a respectable mark in the other 3 subjects

psych is in another 4 hours...
*sigh*
the bloody exam starts at 7.00am
which means i gotta be there by 6.30AM..
the sky is still dark damnit!
ish.. these people have serious issues... =="


well, after finishing accounts today
can confirm that accounts is a definite goner
even people like ian and yunling said they couldn't do
(not that i actually believe them..)


lastly, i think i need to apologize to someone... and another someone. cz apparently i've been ditching them for quite some time.. never say hi when THEY see ME in ac (i didn't notice u guys.. sry sry).. not hanging out with them for the last 10 weeks? gosh.. u guys are soo demanding! lol.. yeah.. so now im accused of being a ditcher... so, very sorry. but in my own defence, i wish to say that unlike some ppl, i do try to study... a little anyway. besides, i've had so many assignments these last few weeks its a miracle i actually still get to sleep. nevertheless, please accept my sincere apologizes...



a random picture to beautify this post:-


ok.. i seriously NEED to study my psych.
i'm not even sure what i'm doing here at this hour.
=="


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

a desire to cook...

It all started when great granma Renee had a sudden craving to cook...

Naturally she just had to invite her husband, affair, daughter, granddaughter, great grandaughter... family friends...
so anyways, renee, mel, ade, me and not forgetting our driver, zhunkit


in the car

went to Carrefour to shop for the food and the amount totalled up to rm112.
(thk god we brought enough!)

Dinner Menu


Appetizer
garlic bread
chicken mushroom soup
honey salad

Main Course
spaghetti
fried chicken

Dessert
longan and peach

Drink
adeline's special mix
(i'm not sure whats in it.. =P)


SO...
we peeled, we chopped, we washed, we stirred, we cooked and we talked
apparently, we're very technology-minded as some of the more memorable conversation is about fixing computers and silent modes... hehe



yee chien and her bread..


"FIRE!!!!!!" kidding =D its jz loads of smoke..


our hard work (minus soup, dessert and drinks)


top: mel, yeechien, min

bottom: jon, renee, adeline, zhunkit



great night but i can't help but think its at the wrong time
TRIALS starts in 4 days time!!!
but hey, we should enjoy life while we still can right?




ok. i should start studying now. =)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Went for my mum's cousin's wedding last Saturday
(actually, i didn't even know he existed till now)
It was held at the Dynasty hotel in KL (not too bad.. almost got lost though..)
The thing is, he's from Lumut and his relatives are from penang, ipoh, etc.. so why come to KL??? -mystery-
Apparently, he's in the navy and he's only 26 yrs old i think.
His bride is quite pretty.. sharp nose, and rather fair..
He was at the dinner in his white ceremonial navy uniform, carrying a sword (cool!) which is kinda smart i guess.. anyway, he brought like 20++ of his friends and they did this crossed-swords thingy when the couple arrived. hmm..

So anyway.. normal uneventful wedding dinner... except for one thing. stupid ppl who don't understand other ppl's rights! wtf la these ppl! my mum and aunt keep making stupid jokes about it and my dad got emo.. the 'protective father' personality is emerging again. haihz..
what these ppl dun understand is tht its a breach of privacy!!! i should have charged them for those pictures.. hmm.. and no, i did not in any way seduce or tempt them ==". They're like 24++ yrs old! Waaaayy out of my range. Not to say good looking oso. In fact, i think i dressed quite decently lor..

-with my mum-

See?? no cleavage oso. What la these ppl! ish ish ish...!!!
Came home about 11.30pm. Talked to Brian (phone) for about 2 hours. Slept.
Was super tired!!!
Woke up with panda eyes next morning *sigh*

Friday, September 14, 2007

Queen's B'day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

LAME QUEEN RENEE!!!


had a great time at Noodle Station, celebrating the Queen's bday... haha...

almost the whole L4 class were there. thx guys for making it a success :)

i hope dear great granny also had a good time.. but she looked a bit emo.. haihz.


some pictures for memories...



the cake...


The Queen with her cake...




The Queen with her loyal subjects





Queen gets her birthday present...






L4's - we are united!


(can't see my face.. haihz..)





lol.. then went to meet edwin at McD with yun (miracle... she skipped legals!)

haha.. anyways.. was too tired to talk much, and for that i apologise


and yeah, before i forget, for some reason i felt bohemian-ish tdy

or as mel a.k.a miao puts it "gypsy-ish"


so i dressed kinda wierdly.. haha..


but at least i didn't catch anyone staring - which is good


went home, napped, ate dinner and slept again

was totally exhausted, but dunno why..

*sigh* i must be getting old =p





Thursday, September 13, 2007

rise together for a better tomorrow

RISE by Samantha James

You should believe me
And everything I choose to do
You should believe that I’ll
Always come back to you

Life is discovering
The love that we create
Life is a mystery
We need to embrace

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’
(Repeat 2x)

Open your mind and see
We have everything we need
Dream or reality
Fulfill its destiny

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’
(Repeat 2x)

You need to let go…
You need to let go…

(With instrumentals)
People rise
When they believe
Change the day
This life keeps movin’

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Monday, September 10, 2007

I'm a Chocolate =) =) =D

Went to mel's blog. she recommended this quiz about "which candy are you?"

L.O.V.E.D the result....

awww.. my absolute favourite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"You're" chocolate. You're the old soul type, people feel that they have known you their entire life. Many often open up to you for they view you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although people trust you, you have a hard time trusting them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled up inside, or display them very quietly. It is alright to open up every once in a while."


this really cheered me up after the stupid econs assignment. thx mel!

if u guys wanna try it out, here's the link:-http://www.quizilla.com/users/jonester/quizzes/Which%20kind%20of%20candy%20are%20you?/

*mwa*

now its time to go get some chocs... =)