unwanted

i'm scared. i've been strange these past few days, 'strange' not as in having horns or growing a tail (though many wouldn't agree) but i really am unsure. my emotions have been running amok, easily changing, too fast. maybe it really isin't a big deal to you, but knowing myself, i feel funny. for one minute, i could be very very high, crazy.. anfd the next, over a small matter, i'll emo. and i can be a real bitch when i emo (thx kim, lis, jun..) whats up with me lately?? its just trivial matters and honestly, i myself don't really know why i get so worked up about it. maybe its jz the hatedly familiar feeling, reminiscent of one of my most regretful moments in life. am i too self conscious? why do i suddenly feel so low?? this isn't me.. or is it? i don't like this me. help me forget? please?

- i feel down. and i don't know why -

she* made me feel like i didn't matter. and i had thought, that we were more than a hi/bye friend. this is not the first time. and i haven't thought much of it. u made me sad, but i forgave. should i forgive and forget again? it really hurts to know, that i was just a substitute. i'm always having trust issues. and you people wonder why.. maybe its just lousy judgement on my part. i wanna click with you guys. but what can i do when i'm purposely being excluded? and if i stay alone, i'm being accused of being unfriendly. shit u guys la!

- yeah. i'm not happy. congratz. u figured it out -

- this is a shitty post. and i'm in a shitty mood -

- make me happy. somebody -

- haihz -