pointless

Another reason why i am single:-
(other than the fact that i hv yet to find the one of course)

my dad tells me...

"I will KILL you if you're dating."

so guys, still wanna come meet my parents? remember, you may put MY life in jeopardy (as well as your own of course). as well as my freedom and allowance $$$. so please, do think carefully...

btw, if you're wondering, i'm not pissed off because of that. it's because i don't understand. eg.

Case 1:-

i am doing my work. and he's smoking next to me surfing the net for transformers/hotwheels dunno wht toys lar. then i POLITELY ask if he can stop smoking a while because i'm already tired and i feel like puking. plus i'm getting a headache. and my paper is due the very next day. then i thought he'll stop la right, or else go somewhere else and smoke. but noo... he SCOLDED me. excusing himself by saying he's stressed and i'm insensitive. wtefff?! as if i'm nt stressed la! so fine, he dun wan stop smoking i left the computer, since i really had a very bad headache and seriously felt like puking up my dinner. waited like damn long for him to finish his stuff. 3am. fine lor.. (note that i did not complain to him). so stayed up all night finishing up. in the morning he scolded me, ask me why i never start earlier that night. so i said, cz he wouldn't stop smoking and i was feeling sick. guess what he said.. "don't give me excuses.". wtf.

Case 2:- (in the car)

me: later can i go out for friend's BBQ?
dad: where?
me: either kota kemuning, kota damansara or ss15
dad: go there for what?
me: BBQ lah.. (exasperated voice)
dad: talk to me like that again and i'll slap you (wtf?!)

*silence for 10 mins*

dad: why so many places
me: cz different people invite
dad: why so many people invite you? i don't want you going out so much.

wtf?!

~just when you think that things are turning for the better, gaining a faint touch of optimistism amidst both work and social stress, out comes a bucketful of cold water, draining, making one come back to reality, leaving an empty shell full of pent up resentment~

i need more chocolate. wtf.

they care for me.

they protect me.

they love me.

i thought i understood.

that i will not complain.

that i will not cry.

that i will try to comply.

just so you wouldn't be ashamed of me

yet i feel your distrust. your paranoia. your worry.

you talk about going after hopes and dreams,

achieving the very best i can do,

and always be happy with myself.

you talk about trust.

you talk about going after what i want.

to be decisive.

to take control of my life.

but whenever i try, you bring me up short.

you made me feel ashamed, wrong.

how am i to call my life my own if you won't let me??!

wtf. mass communication student cannot go out. cannot talk to guys. cannot drink. cannot socialize. and you expect me to excel in this field. wtf.

= i wanna cry my heart out. releasing it all. =

but i can't...

... isn't it strange?