simplicity = me? hahahhahahhahahhahahahhaha

i've always liked the idea of simplicity. perhaps because i found an inexplainable attraction to what i considered as elegance and beauty, peace and harmony. those of you who know me probably realised that i seldom wear, carry or otherwise adorn myself with prints. heck, even the majority of my wardrobe are in basic shades. mostly black.

now, before you think i'm some sort of goth chick - which btw looks totally hawt (and i don't mean the freakish kind), i do not dress up ALL in black, neither do i put poisonous looking dark lipstick which makes you look like a living corpse. i know that perhaps black isn't the best option either seeing as many (mostly relatives) keep insisting that i'm skinny. wtf. they want an obese niece isit??

sometimes i feel so conflicted, wanting to explore, yet unwilling to leave the comfort zone. i want to know, and yet i'm afraid to know. mind and heart working in different directions. which do i follow? torn apart, indecision is often my worse enemy. more often than not, i find myself trusting the heart - which isn't always a good thing. stupid perhaps, but never naive.

according to freud's psychoanalytic theory of personality, my id is the dominant one. or at least thats how i think anyway. basically, the id means striving for immeadiate gratification of all needs, desires and wants. in other words, i'm a spoilt brat who only does things i want. seeing as that is almost impossible most of the time (most of my wants involves money - lots of it), my ego kicks in, giving one a reality check and substituting a want with another. mainly chocloate and ice-cream. wtf, i'm damn easy to please lor. and at this particular moment, my superego can go die. me no care moral standards and ideals. neither am i a saint - or want to be one for that matter.

ugh. am i even still making sense? well, at least my blog is starting to sound like my blog again. i'm pretty tired of logging into my private account just to put more stuff in the trash can. looking back, i feel like such an immature brat. *sigh* when am i ever to grow up and face the world?

forgive me. its just another random ravings of a lunatic - a pretty good looking lunatic even if i say so myself.

geez~ i'm turning vain-er. wtf.